Workshop and Programs Creating Awareness on Child Abuse


Contact : Farida Rizwan
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Make Memorizing Easy


Students often complain that they have learned everything well, but the data and information seems to escape their mind during exams. Parents and teachers are at loss as to how to help students retain what they learn, for that elusive success in their exams. The answer is keyword notes. Key word notes help students in rapid revisions and enable them to take down maximum points during lectures. They are easy to make and can be made for almost every subject and topic. One has to be extra careful while making keyword notes, as it is essential to ensure that you make notes which could be followed quickly and is easy to assimilate. The idea is to transform your study notes into small stories using these 6 tricks so that revisions are quicker and more effective. Get cracking with those complicated chapters and see the magic key word notes can spin.
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Emotional Blackmail – A Prison without Bars


If you are in a relationship with a person who is trying to have his/her own way, without considering your wishes, situation, emotion or how it is going to affect you; then you are probably dealing with an emotional blackmailer. It can be your own child, parent, siblings, boss, friend or someone close to you. Emotional blackmail is an everyday menace in some relationships. Though blackmail in general can be carried out by any stranger, emotional blackmail is a manipulative game played by your own loved ones. Often the emotional blackmailer uses our sense of guilt, need to be loved and our value for their relationships, to control or punish us. As these are the people who are close to us, they are very well aware of our vulnerabilities, which make their task much easier.  Emotional blackmailers have you constantly stressed and worried about them.

You often run into 4 types of emotional blackmailers.

·        Punishers – they often take away from us what we value in our relationship to punish us for not obliging to their every whim.  All their anger is directed towards us, because they hold us responsible for they not being happy and comfortable. The punishers are expressive about their wants and the consequences of denying complying can be glaring.
·        Self- punishers – these are the people who rely on the emotional upheavals created by their hysteric acts, suicidal attempts (which often ends in failures), self blame and crying bouts.
·        Sufferers – the emotional blackmailer here presents only his suffering in front of us without any demands. It is left up to us to decide how to ease his/her suffering to show how much we love and care for them. They are the talented blamers and guilt-peddlers who make us figure out what they want, and always conclude that it is up to us to ensure they get it.
·        Enticers – the enticing emotional blackmailer is more shrewd and cunning than any other blackmailers. Their acts are so subtle, that they carry it out throughout their lives without anyone noticing them. They first entice you with a best of life, but make you realize that you have to pay them to live in the paradise.
Often a combination of any of these can be observed in a blackmailer. If you are one of those who are not aware of it then it is high time you should be. Most victims of emotional blackmail are not even aware that it is happening to them, and when awareness came it is often quite too late. Once you play into the hands of the emotional blackmailer, they make sure you hold on to the fear of offending them, guilt of hurting them and obligation to please them – in order to make you compromise with everything in your life. Slowly you begin to lose your own self respect, and also you see that you are holding on to the relationship at the expense of your our own wishes, happiness and well being.

Here are some common sentences you hear from an emotional blackmailer:

·        You have changed so much…
·        There was a time when you loved me and did everything for my happiness
·        Who cares for the old?
·        Don’t you know what I want? What is the use of telling it to you, because if you love me you would know
·        If you really love (respect) me….
·        Don’t I mean anything to you?
·        I better kill myself before you …..
·        Does my happiness mean nothing to you?
·        Are you crazy to do this?
·        The reason I’m angry/ violent/ an alcoholic/ addict is, because you drive me to it.
·        There is no one in this whole world other than you who cares for me
·        At times crying or silence treatment does the work
·        Sentences that indicate that if you do something against their wishes then they will do something silly – here silly would include breaking things, hurting themselves or you otherwise creating scenes that embarrass or scare you.
·        “Look at XYZ, how much they care”. In this game the emotional blackmailer holds up another person as a flawless ideal against which we fall short.
If you are hearing any of these sentences often, it should that ring a bell in your mind that you are again going to be subjected to emotional blackmailing. The only way out of it is not to bite the bait which is not easy. Even when we know it is an emotional blackmail, we can’t help but become the victims very often as they are the people we care about.
They often use fear, obligation, and the guilt – feelings in us- to get their work done. Their biggest strength is the knowledge of our weaknesses. The price we pay when we give in to emotional blackmailing can be enormous.

Emotional blackmailers have been found to slide through a specific vocabulary, spin demands and threats differently and even slip out easily once the deal is made. Their inner world could tell us many a tale. It is often perceived that blackmailers hate to lose and feel frustrated. This again could be linked to instances in the past, when they had felt anxious and insecure. Deep, resonant fears of deprivation could also be driving forces.
Upbringing is a common cause for the emergence of a ‘blackmailer’ in us. If a child throws temper tantrums for everything he or she doesn’t receive, the parents should make him or her understand the reason behind it. Otherwise, this tendency will resurface in adulthood in the form of emotional blackmailing.
You should learn to identify between requests, demands and emotional blackmailing. Emotional blackmail has no proper logic to back it up. Also, observable behaviors such as temper tantrums, shedding tears suddenly for no reason, consistently pursuing the emotional manipulation, refusal to have food, physically hurting oneself- are a few tell tale signs.
These blackmailers, if unsuccessful, could become stubborn, pessimistic, lose enthusiasm and even become physically ill.

How to handle the situation?

To begin with we have to observe ourselves and see if we posses any of signs of emotional blackmailing in ourselves, if yes then try to get rid of it in the first place. It is very important to do some self-evaluation to check ourselves out whether we are taking advantages of the love in our lives, because we often become perpetrators of emotional blackmailing without being aware of us doing it.

Emotional blackmail cannot take place unless we actively participate in the game started by the blackmailer. Our own vulnerable personalities at times attract emotional blackmailing. Do not expose your weak buttons openly for emotional blackmailers to push them. Furthermore, if you have apprehensions, fears or insecurities, learn life skills to deal with them effectively. Do not crave of approvals and live in a sense of self-doubt. Be clear that you are not responsible for what is happening in other people’s lives.

When you feel that you are being targeted for emotional blackmailing, take a firm stand and do not buck under the pressure. It could be very difficult as most of the time you genuinely care for the emotional blackmailer, but know that this is not a onetime game, moreover in the end it will prove to be the worth going through the turmoil. In a love relationship, it is often the fear of losing the loved one that makes one victim of emotional blackmail. One has to stop worrying that not giving in to the blackmailer may lead to a break-up. We must understand that a good relationship will never break, and if they break they were never good relationships in the first place.

Life teaches us a lesson that people do not change for us, they change for themselves. So, there is no point in expecting our near and dear to do everything we want them to do. There is always solace not in demanding, but in commanding, from others.
Beware of this Trojan horse kind of evil that exists in our midst and keep it away to form healthy and happy relationships.

How to Identify a Psychopath?


Often people fall victims to psychopaths because they fail to identify them when they see them. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, fooled almost every one of his victims with his charming ways. For those who imagine psychopaths to be masked, huge, horrible and evil looking people on the lines of Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th; the truth can be very shocking. Unless someone is aware of the typical characteristics of a psychopath, it is very tough to identify them, as the warning signs are quite covert and subtle. They have great social skills and succeed in winning the sympathy of people they target. Though a lot of research has been done on the psyche of psychopaths, psychologists have failed to come up with any pattern that would fit them all. Psychopaths can be identified only by the extremity of a behavior they exhibit. Though they hide behind the mask and do not often show their indifference to human or animal life, there are times when they can be caught off guard. Being alert to the signs of psychopath can save a life, and it could well be yours. Here are the top 6 ways you can spot a psychopath. READ MORE HERE

Some good books for Studying Psychology


No matter which university you are studying, the curriculum will not include enough material on the vast researched subject like psychology. Some classic books of psychology can enhance knowledge and provide insight into this complicated subject that deals with human behavior and emotions.  Here is a list of 7 books that can help psychology students deepen their knowledge about various aspects of psychology. READ MORE HERE

Managing Crucial Hours Before Exams


Passing an exam takes student to the 9thcloud, but sitting through the exam hours demands great efforts, which can be considered as hell by many students. Writing an exam has certain simple rules be followed. The day you write the exams, the time just before exams begin and the duration of the exam is a very crucial time in a student’s life. Blunders during these crucial hours will not be forgiven by the student himself. So to avoid blunders plan ahead well and be prepared.

Be cautious so that you will not make mistakes unnecessarily. Be calm and moreover composed. Stress will always lead you to mistakes and blunders. Do not hurry. Be quick because that is one of the basic requirements of writing an exam but then hurrying is not being quick.
Some students tend to do more studies just before exams and hence do not get adequate sleep. Lack of sleep will not allow the brain to function well and the child will have difficulty in recalling what s/he has learnt. Have rest and process in mind whatever is learnt. Avoid unnecessary health problem by having sleepless nights, lot of tea or coffee and inadequate diet.
Information is to be collected throughout the term. Don’t cram for it at the eleventh hour. It is the performance more than reading that matters. If there is time revise is already covered rather than trying to study something just before exams.

Some tips to be followed to avoid panic:-
·         Have proper and light food at regular time.
·         Avoid heavy meals and intoxicants
·         Arrive 20-25 minutes earlier for the exams. There are confusions, accidents and other unavoidable things you may have to tackle
·         Check out for hall-ticket, pen, pencil, ruler, calculator etc.
·         Don’t discuss about others preparations as it will increase your anxiety if you have not completed some topics that others have
·         Stay for the whole exam
·         Relax and let the mind wander. Certain points flash to the mind in a relaxed situation and improves the answers.
·         Do not spend time watching others. Focus on your paper and work at your own pace.
·         Read the instructions on the question paper carefully. Read the questions, understand them and then plan the answers. Remember a wrong answer written very well will not fetch you marks.
·         Allot time according to the marks. Time management is very important because you make a lot of mistakes when you have run out of time
·         Do what you are confident first
·         Do not spend time on questions you do not know
·         Do not try to attend the questions in order
·         Leave out the tough ones to be dealt in the end
·         Be careful about writing the question numbers properly
·         Neatness fetches marks too. Do not spoil your answer sheets
·         Attempt all the questions and write as much as you know about it

Men and Women – What Connects Them in a Relationship


Men and Women, have not much in common between them. If you see all the other species, you do not see such oblivious difference in the male and female as you see among the humans. Even with the differences they still manage to fall in love, get into a relationship and live together as part of single soul in two physical bodies. This is the most amazing emotional thing that no one can explain.
Relationships between a man and woman are complicated, moreover it is not easy for them always to be in love and be there for each other when needed. Every relationship passes through different phases as time moves on. Basically there are two phases in a relationship between a man and a woman.
1) Falling in love
2) Falling out of love
Falling in love is where the other person is looked upon as a perfect partner. There is lot of illusions and fantasies involved in this phase. The negative characteristics in the partner are minimized whereas the positive qualities are exaggerated to the high levels. The person falling in love does not think clearly and cannot have a clear image of things. Fortunately or unfortunately this does not last for long. The feeling is exactly like that of a person doing bungee jumping. When S/he is falling, they have no idea what is happening, things are not clear but they sure know they are not going to die. Excitement, exhilaration, passion and many more emotional syrups rule the mind then. But then you don’t keep falling for ever. A time comes when the fall stops and things become clear. People learn that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there better be something else to take its place if the relationship has to continue.
I myself would say that falling in love is ignoring person’s imperfections and falling out of love means evaluating the partner rationally. This is when the people begin to notice how much time the partner spends in bathroom, eats clumsily, have those pimples erupting now and then or just does not say what you want them to say. The blurriness is gone and images are quite clear now. If this happens suddenly due to some triggering event, the outcome can be nasty and loud. When you fall out of love the illusions and fantasies disappear. You see the positive and negative points in the person. If expectations were very high then it is going to be difficult to come terms with reality. The sooner you fall out of love the better it is.
Contributing to other persons happiness is what makes a relationship last. It is like two people pour water into a vessel when they can so that when they need water they can take it from the vessel. If both the partners are enthusiastically filling the pot then it remains full and they both can enjoy the water. But if both are expecting the other to contribute more or as much as he or she does then the vessel will go empty at some point in the relationship.
The love between man and woman can be best described when you think of a mother loving her child. Mothers love is exactly opposite to that of a man-woman love. Mothers love is all giving and all sacrificing, whereas the same cannot be said in a man-woman relationship. The man-woman relationship if well understood can be the most intimate and enjoyable one. In a mother child relationship one individual become two different individuals. A mother feels that a child is a part of her own self. In a man woman relationship two different individuals (who have lived separately till then) are striving to become one, towards permanence and a longing for a love that does not end. Here importance should be given to enriching and expanding the physical relationship shared between two people. Strive to effectively open up the inner-self with all its vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Keep ability to laugh at blunders. When either partner thinks there is nothing more to be learned about the other better half, then the commitment to growth in a relationship is in trouble.
When a person feels frightened, lonely, worthless or afraid he/she shouldn’t hesitate to reach for their soul mate. Such occasions of vulnerability are critically important, because they are times when a partner has immense power over his or her mate which they express by being a lot affectionate and loving towards their partners. It helps both the partners in a great way.
In a relationship physical demarcation is easily accepted where as emotional demarcation is not that easily accepted.
As often understood the opposite of love is not hate………… is indifference.
When couples are arguing and fighting there is still hope of them getting reconciled. It is when they become indifferent to each other that the relationship reaches the worst point.
Two different individuals very rarely emote in a same way. Often we tend to confuse love. When a person says I can’t live without you; it rather shows dependency, but we conclude it is love. Possessiveness is also often confused for love. Jealousy is also taken to be love in initial phases of a relationship. These feelings, which look rosy in the beginning, start to irritate a person in later stages of their relationships and could lead to a break up.
Marriage is often taken for granted until it starts hurting. And then it becomes more of a competition in accusations rather than an exercise of improvement. Some of the typical relationships we see among married couples are
Cyclical relationships: In these relationships the couples are on a roller coaster ride. They have occasions of flaring sharp conflicts which will be followed by making up periods followed by quiet and serenity.
At Logger Heads Relationship: This is a forever in conflict relationship in which the predominant factor is the building tension among the couple. It is often marked by constant nagging, fighting, bickering, and one upmanship. The past will never be a history as it is often pulled into the present and thrown at each other. Initially this happens in the bedroom, and then slips into the living room and eventually in the parties, public places and family gatherings.
Passive Couples: This is a relationship which is almost empty for both the partners. This is often seen among the couple who marry for wrong reasons like giving in to parental pressure. Though the man and woman live under the same roof, have sex and bring up children; there is no evidence of deep affection or passion in their relationship. Their interests are centered on the marriage as it is invested in some other aspect of their lives. They attend functions together, pose for pictures as couples and do everything society requires of them passively.
Sizzled Off Relationship: The couple start off as though they cannot keep their hands off each other, until the heat sizzles off. This is known as the devitalized relation where satisfaction, passion, loves and vitality keeps declining with years. The couple slowly keeps drifting away from each other.
In Love Forever: The couple in vital relationships is bound both physically and psychologically in mutual sharing of love and emotions. They have mutual understanding of each other’s needs, personal space and requirements. They feel safe, happy and comfortable in their companionship with their partner; the feeling that just deepens with passing of years.
Soul Mate: The total relationship between the man and woman is experienced only by few. This relationship is mostly based on the instincts of the couples, where it appears as though they know the other partners need without any clue being given to them. They are like one soul in two bodies, who keep empowering the other person and help them to grow and reach their full potential.
It is important to understand that there are many dimensions unique to the relationship called matrimony. Assess yourself as to how strong you are in each of the dimensions, build up where you are weak, be aware and take pride in those where you are strong.
Dimensions of Intimacy in Marriage
1) Sex………………….… actual sex and non-actual intimacy.
2) Emotional………….…..being tuned to each other’s wave length.
3) Intellectual…………….closeness in the world of ideas
4) Aesthetic……………….sharing experiences of beauty
5) Creative…………….….sharing in acts of creating together
6) Recreational……….…..relating in experiences of fun/play
7) Work……………….….closeness of sharing common tasks (home/off)
8) Crisis………………/….closeness in coping with problems and pain
9) Conflict………………..facing and struggling with differences
10) Commitment …………dedication to common goals
11) Spiritual………………sharing ultimate concern in ethics
12) Maturity………………taking responsibility, toleration
13) Communication………the vital source of true intimacy. Many shortcomings in the above can be overcome if communication is good. Any form of communication (including arguments, fights). The weakest marriage is one where there is no communication.
Tips to improve your marriage
Try out the following action plans…………………..
1) Look into each other’s eyes for at least a full minute and, without words, try to read what the other is feeling
2) Let one person say the other’s name repeatedly, changing the tone and intensity, until that person senses that it “feels good”.
3) Practice listening and understanding by explaining the other person’s problem (switch roles).
4) Attempt to get messages through to each other with the use of touch, facial expressions, body movements, eye contact and gestures.
5) Try arguing at a distance with your backs to each other, and then do the same face to face holding hands.
6) Do not meddle in each other’s affairs
7) Learn to love rather than to just wanting to be loved.
Never trust a relationship that demands the best part of you should remain untouched and untapped. Love should allow you to grow and reach your full potential.
Is it love when a person
Does not tolerate you enjoying a good book?
Does not sit and watch a movie you love?
Does not appreciate other people praising you?
Is very jealous when you seem to achieve more than he or she does?
Doesn’t appreciate the fact that you are a good mom/dad but views it as a competition to his/her love?
Doesn’t like it when you spend some good time with your friends?
Doesn’t clap with the world when you achieve something?
The list would go on growing. People usually easily explain possessiveness as a part of love, but they sure are totally different entities and also many times the people accept these confusions as true love.
In possessiveness a person will always want to be in control of the relationship and demands that his/her emotional needs be satisfied by the partner at times by sacrificing they own well being for the sake of it. On the other hand love is a state where giving satisfies both the partners and there is no feeling of guilt, sacrifice etc involved.
How often have we confused possessiveness, obsession, passion, lust, jealousy, dependency etc for love?
The relationship between two people should be based more on companionship rather than love because it is so difficult to even understand love.