Make Memorizing Easy

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Students often complain that they have learned everything well, but the data and information seems to escape their mind during exams. Parents and teachers are at loss as to how to help students retain what they learn, for that elusive success in their exams. The answer is keyword notes. Key word notes help students in rapid revisions and enable them to take down maximum points during lectures. They are easy to make and can be made for almost every subject and topic. One has to be extra careful while making keyword notes, as it is essential to ensure that you make notes which could be followed quickly and is easy to assimilate. The idea is to transform your study notes into small stories using these 6 tricks so that revisions are quicker and more effective. Get cracking with those complicated chapters and see the magic key word notes can spin.
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Emotional Blackmail – A Prison without Bars

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If you are in a relationship with a person who is trying to have his/her own way, without considering your wishes, situation, emotion or how it is going to affect you; then you are probably dealing with an emotional blackmailer. It can be your own child, parent, siblings, boss, friend or someone close to you. Emotional blackmail is an everyday menace in some relationships. Though blackmail in general can be carried out by any stranger, emotional blackmail is a manipulative game played by your own loved ones. Often the emotional blackmailer uses our sense of guilt, need to be loved and our value for their relationships, to control or punish us. As these are the people who are close to us, they are very well aware of our vulnerabilities, which make their task much easier.  Emotional blackmailers have you constantly stressed and worried about them.

You often run into 4 types of emotional blackmailers.

·        Punishers – they often take away from us what we value in our relationship to punish us for not obliging to their every whim.  All their anger is directed towards us, because they hold us responsible for they not being happy and comfortable. The punishers are expressive about their wants and the consequences of denying complying can be glaring.
·        Self- punishers – these are the people who rely on the emotional upheavals created by their hysteric acts, suicidal attempts (which often ends in failures), self blame and crying bouts.
·        Sufferers – the emotional blackmailer here presents only his suffering in front of us without any demands. It is left up to us to decide how to ease his/her suffering to show how much we love and care for them. They are the talented blamers and guilt-peddlers who make us figure out what they want, and always conclude that it is up to us to ensure they get it.
·        Enticers – the enticing emotional blackmailer is more shrewd and cunning than any other blackmailers. Their acts are so subtle, that they carry it out throughout their lives without anyone noticing them. They first entice you with a best of life, but make you realize that you have to pay them to live in the paradise.
Often a combination of any of these can be observed in a blackmailer. If you are one of those who are not aware of it then it is high time you should be. Most victims of emotional blackmail are not even aware that it is happening to them, and when awareness came it is often quite too late. Once you play into the hands of the emotional blackmailer, they make sure you hold on to the fear of offending them, guilt of hurting them and obligation to please them – in order to make you compromise with everything in your life. Slowly you begin to lose your own self respect, and also you see that you are holding on to the relationship at the expense of your our own wishes, happiness and well being.


Here are some common sentences you hear from an emotional blackmailer:

·        You have changed so much…
·        There was a time when you loved me and did everything for my happiness
·        Who cares for the old?
·        Don’t you know what I want? What is the use of telling it to you, because if you love me you would know
·        If you really love (respect) me….
·        Don’t I mean anything to you?
·        I better kill myself before you …..
·        Does my happiness mean nothing to you?
·        Are you crazy to do this?
·        The reason I’m angry/ violent/ an alcoholic/ addict is, because you drive me to it.
·        There is no one in this whole world other than you who cares for me
·        At times crying or silence treatment does the work
·        Sentences that indicate that if you do something against their wishes then they will do something silly – here silly would include breaking things, hurting themselves or you otherwise creating scenes that embarrass or scare you.
·        “Look at XYZ, how much they care”. In this game the emotional blackmailer holds up another person as a flawless ideal against which we fall short.
     
If you are hearing any of these sentences often, it should that ring a bell in your mind that you are again going to be subjected to emotional blackmailing. The only way out of it is not to bite the bait which is not easy. Even when we know it is an emotional blackmail, we can’t help but become the victims very often as they are the people we care about.
They often use fear, obligation, and the guilt – feelings in us- to get their work done. Their biggest strength is the knowledge of our weaknesses. The price we pay when we give in to emotional blackmailing can be enormous.

Emotional blackmailers have been found to slide through a specific vocabulary, spin demands and threats differently and even slip out easily once the deal is made. Their inner world could tell us many a tale. It is often perceived that blackmailers hate to lose and feel frustrated. This again could be linked to instances in the past, when they had felt anxious and insecure. Deep, resonant fears of deprivation could also be driving forces.
Upbringing is a common cause for the emergence of a ‘blackmailer’ in us. If a child throws temper tantrums for everything he or she doesn’t receive, the parents should make him or her understand the reason behind it. Otherwise, this tendency will resurface in adulthood in the form of emotional blackmailing.
You should learn to identify between requests, demands and emotional blackmailing. Emotional blackmail has no proper logic to back it up. Also, observable behaviors such as temper tantrums, shedding tears suddenly for no reason, consistently pursuing the emotional manipulation, refusal to have food, physically hurting oneself- are a few tell tale signs.
These blackmailers, if unsuccessful, could become stubborn, pessimistic, lose enthusiasm and even become physically ill.

How to handle the situation?

To begin with we have to observe ourselves and see if we posses any of signs of emotional blackmailing in ourselves, if yes then try to get rid of it in the first place. It is very important to do some self-evaluation to check ourselves out whether we are taking advantages of the love in our lives, because we often become perpetrators of emotional blackmailing without being aware of us doing it.

Emotional blackmail cannot take place unless we actively participate in the game started by the blackmailer. Our own vulnerable personalities at times attract emotional blackmailing. Do not expose your weak buttons openly for emotional blackmailers to push them. Furthermore, if you have apprehensions, fears or insecurities, learn life skills to deal with them effectively. Do not crave of approvals and live in a sense of self-doubt. Be clear that you are not responsible for what is happening in other people’s lives.

When you feel that you are being targeted for emotional blackmailing, take a firm stand and do not buck under the pressure. It could be very difficult as most of the time you genuinely care for the emotional blackmailer, but know that this is not a onetime game, moreover in the end it will prove to be the worth going through the turmoil. In a love relationship, it is often the fear of losing the loved one that makes one victim of emotional blackmail. One has to stop worrying that not giving in to the blackmailer may lead to a break-up. We must understand that a good relationship will never break, and if they break they were never good relationships in the first place.

Life teaches us a lesson that people do not change for us, they change for themselves. So, there is no point in expecting our near and dear to do everything we want them to do. There is always solace not in demanding, but in commanding, from others.
Beware of this Trojan horse kind of evil that exists in our midst and keep it away to form healthy and happy relationships.

How to Identify a Psychopath?

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Often people fall victims to psychopaths because they fail to identify them when they see them. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, fooled almost every one of his victims with his charming ways. For those who imagine psychopaths to be masked, huge, horrible and evil looking people on the lines of Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th; the truth can be very shocking. Unless someone is aware of the typical characteristics of a psychopath, it is very tough to identify them, as the warning signs are quite covert and subtle. They have great social skills and succeed in winning the sympathy of people they target. Though a lot of research has been done on the psyche of psychopaths, psychologists have failed to come up with any pattern that would fit them all. Psychopaths can be identified only by the extremity of a behavior they exhibit. Though they hide behind the mask and do not often show their indifference to human or animal life, there are times when they can be caught off guard. Being alert to the signs of psychopath can save a life, and it could well be yours. Here are the top 6 ways you can spot a psychopath. READ MORE HERE

Some good books for Studying Psychology

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No matter which university you are studying, the curriculum will not include enough material on the vast researched subject like psychology. Some classic books of psychology can enhance knowledge and provide insight into this complicated subject that deals with human behavior and emotions.  Here is a list of 7 books that can help psychology students deepen their knowledge about various aspects of psychology. READ MORE HERE

Managing Crucial Hours Before Exams

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Passing an exam takes student to the 9thcloud, but sitting through the exam hours demands great efforts, which can be considered as hell by many students. Writing an exam has certain simple rules be followed. The day you write the exams, the time just before exams begin and the duration of the exam is a very crucial time in a student’s life. Blunders during these crucial hours will not be forgiven by the student himself. So to avoid blunders plan ahead well and be prepared.


Be cautious so that you will not make mistakes unnecessarily. Be calm and moreover composed. Stress will always lead you to mistakes and blunders. Do not hurry. Be quick because that is one of the basic requirements of writing an exam but then hurrying is not being quick.
Some students tend to do more studies just before exams and hence do not get adequate sleep. Lack of sleep will not allow the brain to function well and the child will have difficulty in recalling what s/he has learnt. Have rest and process in mind whatever is learnt. Avoid unnecessary health problem by having sleepless nights, lot of tea or coffee and inadequate diet.
Information is to be collected throughout the term. Don’t cram for it at the eleventh hour. It is the performance more than reading that matters. If there is time revise is already covered rather than trying to study something just before exams.

Some tips to be followed to avoid panic:-
·         Have proper and light food at regular time.
·         Avoid heavy meals and intoxicants
·         Arrive 20-25 minutes earlier for the exams. There are confusions, accidents and other unavoidable things you may have to tackle
·         Check out for hall-ticket, pen, pencil, ruler, calculator etc.
·         Don’t discuss about others preparations as it will increase your anxiety if you have not completed some topics that others have
·         Stay for the whole exam
·         Relax and let the mind wander. Certain points flash to the mind in a relaxed situation and improves the answers.
·         Do not spend time watching others. Focus on your paper and work at your own pace.
·         Read the instructions on the question paper carefully. Read the questions, understand them and then plan the answers. Remember a wrong answer written very well will not fetch you marks.
·         Allot time according to the marks. Time management is very important because you make a lot of mistakes when you have run out of time
·         Do what you are confident first
·         Do not spend time on questions you do not know
·         Do not try to attend the questions in order
·         Leave out the tough ones to be dealt in the end
·         Be careful about writing the question numbers properly
·         Neatness fetches marks too. Do not spoil your answer sheets
·         Attempt all the questions and write as much as you know about it

Men and Women – What Connects Them in a Relationship

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Men and Women, have not much in common between them. If you see all the other species, you do not see such oblivious difference in the male and female as you see among the humans. Even with the differences they still manage to fall in love, get into a relationship and live together as part of single soul in two physical bodies. This is the most amazing emotional thing that no one can explain.
Relationships between a man and woman are complicated, moreover it is not easy for them always to be in love and be there for each other when needed. Every relationship passes through different phases as time moves on. Basically there are two phases in a relationship between a man and a woman.
1) Falling in love
2) Falling out of love
Falling in love is where the other person is looked upon as a perfect partner. There is lot of illusions and fantasies involved in this phase. The negative characteristics in the partner are minimized whereas the positive qualities are exaggerated to the high levels. The person falling in love does not think clearly and cannot have a clear image of things. Fortunately or unfortunately this does not last for long. The feeling is exactly like that of a person doing bungee jumping. When S/he is falling, they have no idea what is happening, things are not clear but they sure know they are not going to die. Excitement, exhilaration, passion and many more emotional syrups rule the mind then. But then you don’t keep falling for ever. A time comes when the fall stops and things become clear. People learn that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there better be something else to take its place if the relationship has to continue.
I myself would say that falling in love is ignoring person’s imperfections and falling out of love means evaluating the partner rationally. This is when the people begin to notice how much time the partner spends in bathroom, eats clumsily, have those pimples erupting now and then or just does not say what you want them to say. The blurriness is gone and images are quite clear now. If this happens suddenly due to some triggering event, the outcome can be nasty and loud. When you fall out of love the illusions and fantasies disappear. You see the positive and negative points in the person. If expectations were very high then it is going to be difficult to come terms with reality. The sooner you fall out of love the better it is.
Contributing to other persons happiness is what makes a relationship last. It is like two people pour water into a vessel when they can so that when they need water they can take it from the vessel. If both the partners are enthusiastically filling the pot then it remains full and they both can enjoy the water. But if both are expecting the other to contribute more or as much as he or she does then the vessel will go empty at some point in the relationship.
The love between man and woman can be best described when you think of a mother loving her child. Mothers love is exactly opposite to that of a man-woman love. Mothers love is all giving and all sacrificing, whereas the same cannot be said in a man-woman relationship. The man-woman relationship if well understood can be the most intimate and enjoyable one. In a mother child relationship one individual become two different individuals. A mother feels that a child is a part of her own self. In a man woman relationship two different individuals (who have lived separately till then) are striving to become one, towards permanence and a longing for a love that does not end. Here importance should be given to enriching and expanding the physical relationship shared between two people. Strive to effectively open up the inner-self with all its vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Keep ability to laugh at blunders. When either partner thinks there is nothing more to be learned about the other better half, then the commitment to growth in a relationship is in trouble.
When a person feels frightened, lonely, worthless or afraid he/she shouldn’t hesitate to reach for their soul mate. Such occasions of vulnerability are critically important, because they are times when a partner has immense power over his or her mate which they express by being a lot affectionate and loving towards their partners. It helps both the partners in a great way.
In a relationship physical demarcation is easily accepted where as emotional demarcation is not that easily accepted.
As often understood the opposite of love is not hate…………..it is indifference.
When couples are arguing and fighting there is still hope of them getting reconciled. It is when they become indifferent to each other that the relationship reaches the worst point.
Two different individuals very rarely emote in a same way. Often we tend to confuse love. When a person says I can’t live without you; it rather shows dependency, but we conclude it is love. Possessiveness is also often confused for love. Jealousy is also taken to be love in initial phases of a relationship. These feelings, which look rosy in the beginning, start to irritate a person in later stages of their relationships and could lead to a break up.
Marriage is often taken for granted until it starts hurting. And then it becomes more of a competition in accusations rather than an exercise of improvement. Some of the typical relationships we see among married couples are
Cyclical relationships: In these relationships the couples are on a roller coaster ride. They have occasions of flaring sharp conflicts which will be followed by making up periods followed by quiet and serenity.
At Logger Heads Relationship: This is a forever in conflict relationship in which the predominant factor is the building tension among the couple. It is often marked by constant nagging, fighting, bickering, and one upmanship. The past will never be a history as it is often pulled into the present and thrown at each other. Initially this happens in the bedroom, and then slips into the living room and eventually in the parties, public places and family gatherings.
Passive Couples: This is a relationship which is almost empty for both the partners. This is often seen among the couple who marry for wrong reasons like giving in to parental pressure. Though the man and woman live under the same roof, have sex and bring up children; there is no evidence of deep affection or passion in their relationship. Their interests are centered on the marriage as it is invested in some other aspect of their lives. They attend functions together, pose for pictures as couples and do everything society requires of them passively.
Sizzled Off Relationship: The couple start off as though they cannot keep their hands off each other, until the heat sizzles off. This is known as the devitalized relation where satisfaction, passion, loves and vitality keeps declining with years. The couple slowly keeps drifting away from each other.
In Love Forever: The couple in vital relationships is bound both physically and psychologically in mutual sharing of love and emotions. They have mutual understanding of each other’s needs, personal space and requirements. They feel safe, happy and comfortable in their companionship with their partner; the feeling that just deepens with passing of years.
Soul Mate: The total relationship between the man and woman is experienced only by few. This relationship is mostly based on the instincts of the couples, where it appears as though they know the other partners need without any clue being given to them. They are like one soul in two bodies, who keep empowering the other person and help them to grow and reach their full potential.
It is important to understand that there are many dimensions unique to the relationship called matrimony. Assess yourself as to how strong you are in each of the dimensions, build up where you are weak, be aware and take pride in those where you are strong.
Dimensions of Intimacy in Marriage
1) Sex………………….… actual sex and non-actual intimacy.
2) Emotional………….…..being tuned to each other’s wave length.
3) Intellectual…………….closeness in the world of ideas
4) Aesthetic……………….sharing experiences of beauty
5) Creative…………….….sharing in acts of creating together
6) Recreational……….…..relating in experiences of fun/play
7) Work……………….….closeness of sharing common tasks (home/off)
8) Crisis………………/….closeness in coping with problems and pain
9) Conflict………………..facing and struggling with differences
10) Commitment …………dedication to common goals
11) Spiritual………………sharing ultimate concern in ethics
12) Maturity………………taking responsibility, toleration
13) Communication………the vital source of true intimacy. Many shortcomings in the above can be overcome if communication is good. Any form of communication (including arguments, fights). The weakest marriage is one where there is no communication.
Tips to improve your marriage
Try out the following action plans…………………..
1) Look into each other’s eyes for at least a full minute and, without words, try to read what the other is feeling
2) Let one person say the other’s name repeatedly, changing the tone and intensity, until that person senses that it “feels good”.
3) Practice listening and understanding by explaining the other person’s problem (switch roles).
4) Attempt to get messages through to each other with the use of touch, facial expressions, body movements, eye contact and gestures.
5) Try arguing at a distance with your backs to each other, and then do the same face to face holding hands.
6) Do not meddle in each other’s affairs
7) Learn to love rather than to just wanting to be loved.
Never trust a relationship that demands the best part of you should remain untouched and untapped. Love should allow you to grow and reach your full potential.
Is it love when a person
Does not tolerate you enjoying a good book?
Does not sit and watch a movie you love?
Does not appreciate other people praising you?
Is very jealous when you seem to achieve more than he or she does?
Doesn’t appreciate the fact that you are a good mom/dad but views it as a competition to his/her love?
Doesn’t like it when you spend some good time with your friends?
Doesn’t clap with the world when you achieve something?
The list would go on growing. People usually easily explain possessiveness as a part of love, but they sure are totally different entities and also many times the people accept these confusions as true love.
In possessiveness a person will always want to be in control of the relationship and demands that his/her emotional needs be satisfied by the partner at times by sacrificing they own well being for the sake of it. On the other hand love is a state where giving satisfies both the partners and there is no feeling of guilt, sacrifice etc involved.
How often have we confused possessiveness, obsession, passion, lust, jealousy, dependency etc for love?
The relationship between two people should be based more on companionship rather than love because it is so difficult to even understand love.

Specific Learning Disabilities

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If parents and teachers are aware of Learning Disabilities, it may help them to stop a child from being tormented in school where they struggle to deal with academic challenges. Unfortunately not many people are familiar with SLD (Specific Learning Disabilities), which is a broad group of developmental disorders which causes a deficit in the individual only in a particular area.   




Learning disability is a silent tormentor of students because it is not prominent like other disabilities. Many a time the child is rubbished off as lazy or stupid. Sad but true.
Learning disabilities affect the way a child receives, processes, or expresses the information available. Learning disabilities can continue throughout the entire lifetime and have an impact on the basic skills of reading, writing, reasoning, listening, speaking and mathematical calculations. As it is not an ailment there is no cure for it, nor is there a proper explanation as to what causes it. Fortunately, with proper remedial interventions at the beginning of their academic careers many skills can be learned and techniques involved to reduce its impact to minimum.
Learning disability is a disorder of the basic psychological process of understanding or usage of spoken or written language. For children with learning disabilities the basic skills of listening, speaking, reading, writing, or math may be considerably affected in the negative fashion.


Impact of LD on Emotional development of the Child

Learning disabilities affect children of average and above average intelligence and not those who are below average in IQ. It is tough to identify a child with learning disability since each one of us, have at some point of life faced learning difficulties in one or other way. The line dividing those who have and those who do not have learning disabilities is so thin that it is almost invisible to layman. Learning disabilities is suspected only when the learning difficulties are too severe and start to affect the normal education or other activities of a child.

It is important for us to notice that LDs are not due to mental retardation, emotional problems, autism, and other physical disabilities. Learning disabilities are also not a result of lack of education opportunities or environmental influences and the truth has to be accepted that it is not a phase that a child will outgrow. There are no cures for this disorder. If a child is facing significant difficulties with learning reading, writing and arithmetic, then it is good for the parents to find right strategies to cope with the situation without putting undue pressure on the child.

Even if you only suspect a child is facing learning disability then it is better to take precautions and talk to teacher, school staff and family members to know more about the child’s behavior. Children with LD require special education services like special help to understand subjects that are difficult for that particular condition of the child. A parent is in the best position to help the child understand what he or she is going through. The parent’s involvement is huge since at every step the child will need the right support, care and encouragement to face learning challenges that they are facing and above all acceptance from their loved ones.

With right intervention a child can succeed in school and become a successful adult if given the right choice of career. No child should be forced into a career they have problem studying with. For eg: A dyslexic should not be forced to take up literature assuming that it is easier than Mathematics and Science. This happens in India, especially when the students have to choose a combination for their Pre-University Course.


What exactly is Learning Disability?

Learning disability is a general term that describes specific kinds of learning problems which can cause a person to have trouble learning and using certain skills like
  • Reading texts
  • Writing (messing up with b’s and d’s etc)
  • Listening
  • Speaking
  • Reasoning
Learning disabilities (LD) vary from person to person. One person may have trouble with reading and writing but may have good mechanical or mathematical aptitude whereas another person with learning disabilities may have problems with understanding math but may excel in languages.

Researchers think that learning disabilities are caused by differences in how a person’s brain works and how it processes information. Children with learning disabilities are not “dumb” or “lazy”. Contrarily they may be more intelligent than their peers who beat them in academic race. It is just that their brains process information differently.

The definition of “learning disability” just below comes from the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). The IDEA is the federal law that guides how schools provide special education and related services to children with disabilities.


It is very important to note that children with learning disabilities can be high achievers and can be taught ways to get around the learning disability. I would like to stress it once again that with right help, children with learning disabilities can learn successfully. 

Child Abuse Awareness

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Children are to be loved and protected .. NOT ABUSED!

Stop Child Abuse.. 
Child abuse is one of the meanest and most heinous crime taking place in our society. We often read in papers, about the sexual assault mercilessly being committed on children as young as 3 years or less. Thus when we talk about child abuse a picture of a dead, severely hurt or crying child comes to our mind. But, this is not always the case; since, more often the abuse is well hidden and carried out for years never to be discovered. We need to watch out for this worst kind of social evil which exists among us, wake up from being passive spectators, try to intervene and help whenever possible to eradicate this evil permanently from our society. We need  live in denial that such things do not happen in our cultural society. To bring about change, first awareness and then acceptance about child abuse is very important.

Why Children?

Child abuse takes place often since children are vulnerable. Again we can say that children are vulnerable due to three different  reasons.
1) Physically they are small and incapable of defending themselves
2) Psychologically they are ingrained that they should be good to elders and obey them. In addition they are made to follow the false belief that elders are always right.
3) They are gullible as they do not have knowledge about sex. They do not understand they are being abused at times. Moreover, if the Pedophile is cunning, he/she can mislead them to believe it is game, secret or sadly their own fault.


Change From Normal Behavior

In normal course an adult tries to protect the child, due to the inbuilt paternal and maternal instinct, which is important for survival of any speicies. But sometimes due to some psychological or emotional abnormality an adult may resort to abuse the child. Often it would be an easy outlet for their lust, anger, frustration or any other negativity rooted in them.


Different forms of child abuse
Abuse of children can be classified into 3 categories.
1) Verbal abuse
2) Physical abuse
3) Sexual abuse


Stop Child Verbal Abuse…. 

Verbal abuse: – The child is ridiculed and emotionally hurt by using words which are not to be said. Usually this abuse is carried on in the name of disciplining children. Every now and then we find a perfect target in a child to vent out our prejudices; frustration, anger, disappointments etc. In some cases it is carried on with actual bad intentions where a person may in fact hate the child for some reason. Verbal abuse can be done by anybody like mother, father, aunt, neighbor, teacher or any other person who is responsible for protecting the child.

The emotional impact of verbal abuse is quite strong and at times it leaves emotional trauma to the level of sexual abuse.


Physical abuse: – This is usually carried on by the people who believe in capital punishment (again in the name of discipline). Hitting the child, makes a person feel that they are in control of the situation and in position of authority. Often parents beat children because they feel it is a channel to vent out their frustrations. Some parents or teachers may not have skills that are required to handle a child with extra energy, inquisitive mind or a tinge of naughtiness. Their lack of knowledge and ability in handling the child will lead them to the easy way out by meeting out capital punishment. Physical abuse only gets momentary unwilling compliance from children. Constant physical abuse can push the child to become more stubborn and obstinate.Sexual Abuse : This is very dreaded word because verbal and physical abuse do not cause as much emotional trauma as sexual abuse.



·         According to survey 40-70%girls are victims of sexual abuse in India.
A large number of molesters are respected elders like uncles cousins etc.

Molesters can be in relationship like.
1) Male abuser to male child
2) Male abuser to female child
3) Female abuser to female child
4) Female abuser to male child

One of the most prominent misconceptions the society has is that it has to protect the girls as boys are often safe from being abused. When we usually doubt something could be amiss when a man shows interest in a girl child, we often tend to ignore it when the child concerned is male. It is important to note that men tend to abuse male child, scarring their psyche forever quite often.
Sexually Abusing a girl child scars
her for life 

Of all forms of abuse, the male abuser to female child incidents are highest and it leaves maximum emotional trauma. It leaves long term effect on the individuality of the child. She may grow up fearing men, hating touch, avoiding happiness and suffering from feeling of shame, guilt and unworthiness. Often they may feel they are sinners and indulge in self punishment.

In female abuser to male child, the child is always involved in some play and so doesn’t realize he has been abused because there is no pain and no force involved with the act. He doesn’t even know he is being exploited sexually due to unawareness about sexual exploitation. But when the realization comes, he may enter into the guilt feeling that he was too sex oriented because he enjoyed sex very early in life. That will make him conscious of his feeling of sex. Even normal tendencies may cause guilt that he is different from others.
The female abuser to female child again uses the same tricks where the child is fooled and does not realize what is actually happening. 


How to protect a child 

·         Communication: – Talk to the child about where she/he has been. Who they played with. How they played. Keep in mind that you should not to make the communication interrogative.
·         Teach vocabulary: – teach them how to say what they have to. Increase vocabulary as they grow up. Let them know that they have every right to refuse to do something they are uncomfortable with, even if it is their own parents telling them to do it.
·         Respect the child and let the child respect himself/herself.
·         Discuss potential abusers and abusive patterns. Teach them the difference between the right touch and the wrong touch and also that it is ok to feel uncomfortable and let the person know about it.
·         Be aware of movements. Keep track of as to where the child is spending his/her time. Who they were with, what they did etc
·         Build self esteem: – a child with low self esteem becomes a potential victim.
·         Remove loneliness. The lonely child is also more vulnerable.
·         Tell how to protect. Encourage to shout and scream when someone tried to harm her/him. You can conduct exercises teaching the children to shout. Assure them that they will be protected and not blamed for doing so.

Possible behavior pattern of abused child.
·                     Showing too much maturity for age
·                     Withdrawal from peer group, becoming a loner
·                     Lack of usual activities
·                     Using very adult like words
·                     Showing undue fear of places, situations, people etc
·                     Self punishment
·                     Guilt feeling

Every so often the abuser will be clever enough to instill the feeling of guilt and fear in the child. He/she may convince the child that they are also equally responsible for what happened. They were willing and happy because they never protested etc.

Do not hesitate to talk, question or check out when you feel there is something amiss and child abuse could be taking place, because you fear what if you are wrong. There is no harm in being sure that everything is alright. Please protect innocent children from the trauma of abuse whenever you can… it is our duty to protect the children and their right to be safe and protected…